Wednesday, September 6th
It is with mixed emotions that I update her website today, as I am on a complete high from spending and watching Claire blossom the last two days but also sad as her first day of 4 year old preschool, Mrs. Main's class, started this morning, without Claire. I was lucky enough to have another angel come into my life, her name is Virginia, she is the mother of the 4 month old little boy, our special roommate for the last week. Her courage and attitude was inspirational, but it was her daily advice that lifted my spirit and outlook on our situation. She and her husband and four year old son decided if the baby was in the hospital, they would bring "home" to him. They had playdates, sleepovers, pizza night all as a family - just at the hospital. Claire's health steadily improved last week and yet on Sunday she seemed depressed and down. I realized that she had been in the hospital for over seven days and not seen Ryan or Reese once. We decided we needed family time regularly and to take Virginia's wise counsel. Claire did not go willingly as she unfortunately became very self conscience and wanted to stay only in her bed, but we picked her up and took her to the hospital playroom for pediatric children and families. Grammie, Auntie Danielle, Ryan and Reese were all there to shout "surprise". Her face lit up and came to life again. She sat on a bench and we placed Reese on a blanket below and Ryan found some car tracks and started playing too. Claire immediately wanted down on the floor to participate and joined in. Her strength and neurological capabilities exploded...crawling to get toys for Reese, throwing a ball back and forth to Ryan, stacking blocks and laughing as she or Reese knocked them down, completing puzzles with little assistance......IT WAS INCREDIBLE!!! Her sweet smile and genuine happiness was a gift from above and it provided us with the motivation to face the next round of challenges. Virginia told me that some of the children on the unit are just dropped off by their parents during their chemotherapy treatments as they are unable to deal with or accept the difficult situation. I recall responding, I didn't think as parents we had a choice. Virginia sensibly stated, "you have the choice to drown in your sorrow or make everyday as happy and great as possible for Claire". I realized I was drowning, going through everyday completely numb and concentrating only on my own breathing and sadness, not providing Claire all of me and that she deserved better. We had family time on Monday and Tuesday as well, Reese actually visited twice on Tuesday and with each visit Claire progressed at an unbelievable rate both physically and emotionally. She can climb up from the floor onto the bench pretty much unaided and even took three steps to Grammie while I held her pelvic area for security. She had talked all morning about wanting to walk to Grammie and she did it - that's our Claire. It has been a GREAT couple of days. We are unsure at this time when her next round of chemotherapy will begin, as early as this Friday or there is talk that we could actually have a "worry-free week-end" with Claire at home and start up again on Monday. You can imagine how tight my fingers are crossed for Claire to come home right now and live a normal day or two. It's 10:00 am and I'm sure Mrs. Main has already sung the good morning song and completed calendar and student assignments by now (line leader is still the #1 choice), Claire is there in spirit and will be BACK soon!!!!! I'm sure she will again be the only child not to shed a tear when their parents leave but to acutally look up and shout "Mommie, go home now" and kick me out each morning.