Wednesday, December 28th
Claire's stay at UCSF was filled with lots of holiday surprises.....golden dogs dressed up as elves bearing candy canes, a compassionate Robin Williams delivered well wishes and presents, and even the real Santa appeared to spread good cheer and hope to all of us. We would shiver with anticipation each time Claire's hosptial door opened. Claire tolerated the chemotherapy and transplanted cells very well and was able to return home on Saturday, December 23rd. Her stay home was brief as she dropped hard with a slight fever Sunday Christmas Eve. Although she could not have been more precious and sweet as she opened a few of her gifts that day. She sat on my lap and exhibited more excitement for Reese and Ryan during present time then herself. She genuinely thanked Chris and myself for a small dora christmas wrapped item prior to even opening it. She was the real Tiny Tim, especially when she unexpectedly crawled over and hugged Ryan warmly - just because she loves him. Her kisses and touch were sincere and heartfelt and it was very difficult for all of us to watch her body fall that evening. Unfortunately, her late night admission to the hospital required some diagnostic tests first so she and I were not able to lay in bed until almost 3:00 am. Ryan and Reese awoke at home to special gifts and filled stockings and enjoyed their day outside with all the other neighbor kids proudly displaying and riding their new prizes and a big smile did come over Claire's face when she saw her stocking filled by Santa at the end of her hosptial bed on Christmas morning and exclaimed "Santa came to me too!!". It wasn't our traditional holiday night or day but we tried to make the best of it for all our family and kids. Claire's body is tired and low and I find her spirits are beat down as well after so many months fighting. After 4:00 am vitals on early Tuesday morning, she sweetly asked if I would lay with her and hold her as she slept, a frequently asked request we all are honored to fullfill. But this time she lay almost lifeless and nonresponsive and then quietly stated, "Mom? I feel sad". I held her as tight as I could for the rest of the night and promised her we will all be happy again. OH PLEASE let us have our Christmas Wish soon, I don't know how much more her delicate body and soul can take. We are all having a harder time with this treatment recovery period due to the unspeakable fatigue and stress, full body depression and grief, and the unconscience thought that terrifies us daily .......this might be her last Christmas with us. How can life and love be so cruel?
posted by Miller Family @ 1:13 PM
43 Comments:
Shannon and all the Miller and Ward families--
It was only recently that we learned of your struggles with Claire's terrible disease. Now that we've read your blog, we want to let you know that we are thinking of you EVERY DAY and our prayers are with you all. It is wonderful the way you have all come together and we only wish we were to help.
Sally and Phil Robinson (Karen's mom and dad)
Lake Oswego, Oregon
I'm reading this but I honestly don't know what to say. Merry Christmas sweet Claire.
Love, lindi, em and dorian XXXXXX000000
Dearest Miller Family,
Our hearts ache for all the pain and suffering you and Claire are going through, life is not fair.We are filled with joy and hope for each victory,both large and small that sweet Claire makes.She has changed so many lives and how we live each day for the better, how many of us can say that?Keep the faith-miracles do happen!God Bless you all, The Franz Family
Dear Little Claire,
I was happy to learn Santa made his way and found you, where you were this year, and that funny Robin Williams kept his promise to visit little children, such as yourself in San Francisco. Did he make you laugh?
When I read that you told your Mommy you were feeling sad it reminded me of how during these happy holidays there are so many people (most we do not know) who are not having a good time, at least not as others are. There are many reasons for this, but some are sad because they do not have friends or family to love them and share time with them, and some because they have a very difficult disease they must get through.
With the happy holidays of December ending, and a new year beginning, everyone that knows you or learns about what you are trying to do, will continue to say, over and over, "We know you can!"
If you know the story of Scrooge, then you know that Tiny Tim was then, a long time ago, and he's in the past; Courages Claire is now, she is in the present; and the future is all about believing that the best is yet to be.
We believe your future will be bright, happy and healthy because "we know you can!" We'll say it again and agin, until it happens!
Your friends, Peggy and Al Manfredi
Though Christmas is over and Santa has made his rounds, there's no expiration date on a Christmas wish. We love you all so much!
-The Brushes
Shannon and Chris,
We are praying for Claire this week as she rest and lets the treatment do its job. We looked back to see how long it took for her to bounce back last time, and we pray that this time her stem cell rescue will begin sooner.
We pray for you guys,your young family, and extended families. We have learned a lot from yours and Claire's strength, and our whole family will never look at Christmas the same again. Please stay strong, try and rest, and always know we are here if you need anything, anytime, day or night!
The Wiesenfarths
Thinking, wishing and praying for and with you.
Pete
Savannah's Dad
www.caringbridge.org/fl/savannah
I don't know what to say to make things better. I can tell you funny stories about SIP (hee hee) ... I wish I could do more for you. Please hang in and know that you are surrounded by family and friends that will help to lift you up when you do not have the strength yourself.
Prayers always...Melanie and Andrew
Dear Claire and Family,
Through lots of tears this morning, I want to let you know what an inspiration you are to everyone who knows you.
Keep fighting.
All our love and prayers are with you.
Sincerely,
The Wissmiller Family
Portland, OR
Your thoughts are with us each day! You are all so strong! It saddens my heart to read what little Claire, and everyone else is going through. Keeping being so, so strong!!
My daughter, Erin Bjork, sent me your website today so I could read about the delightful Claire and her remarkable parents. Talk about putting your life into perspective at this end of the year time for retrospective thinking and future planning. I have been an ER nurse for 30 years, and interact with patients of every kind, catastrophic injury, illness & human suffering almost daily. Still my heart is touched so deeply by your telling of Claire's tough and determined battle with the nastiest of diseases. Through your words, it quickly becomes evident that this is indeed a very special child, one who is fortunate enough to have just the right kind of family to support her and see her through these difficult times. Such soul, such spirit she seems to have within. And so those of us who read of Claire, those fortunate enough to know your family, will send our collective healing thoughts and positive energy your way, and high hopes for 2007.
I will continue to check on Claire's progress and maybe one day can meet your remarkable family. Hugs to sweet Claire from another chocolate & Disneyland lover.
Sarah Solberg, RN, MSN
Stockton, California
I am a first time visiter to your site and this entry is so moving. I am overwhelmed by a sense of sadness and hope. Your little girl sounds so sweet and must have such a good soul. I will add her to my prayers each night and will visit your site daily to check for any updates.
May God bring peace and comfort to Claire and your entire family
Hi all you lovable, courageous Millers and Wards.You are in our prayers and in our family's heart at every dinner and holiday gathering reminding us what precious gifts we are to one another and you to us. The only thing we can change is how we love eachother. Thanks for teaching us more
All the Boyds
We are looking forward to your next post and to a brand new year. We just know that there is a miracle on the horizon for Claire very soon.
Shannon, your last post made me think of my favorite poem, Footprints in the Sand. God's answer to you and Claire and your entire family, "My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I Carried You." God and his angels are with you and Claire.
We love you.
www.markhargrave.com/index_012.htm
Love, Billy, Tracy, Kelsey & Wyatt
Dearest Shannon:
I wish there were some words we could say to bring you comfort. Please continue to have hope. Claire is an angel on earth - a rare little girl with spirit, courage and determination that is not common in a little girl her age.
We can only imagine what it must be like for you all each and every day. As a mother, you just want to hold your child and make all their pain and suffering go away - you must feel helpless. Please know that we are all inspired by your strength - we read your words and think "I don't know how she does it" - but you do. You are an amazing mother Shannon - the reason so many people have fallen in love with Claire is because she is like you. You describe her strength and spirit and it could be a description of you.
Claire will beat this...there are so many people praying for her - we know she can. Please know how much we think of you and pray for you every single day.
All our love,
The Monahan Family (Jim, MJ, Cate and Patrick)
Shannon,Miller and Ward family,
You are all an inspiration to us and our hearts and prayers are with you. Precious Claire we have fallen in love with you because you wonderful mother has captured your spirit so perfectly. We can tell you are like your grandmother Denise who is a fighter like you. Don't give up little girl I hope 2007 has a miracle instore for you.
Sincerley your new friends Evonne and Hank Kimball, Salem, Or
Our wish is still the same as it has been for the last few months...only that we are able to celebrate when Claire is declared cancer-free. Only when that time comes will we know that our prayers have been answered. To all of you in the Ward-Miller Families, please know that the Warlick Family members pray for Claires recovery every waking hour and we all hold you very clost to our hearts. Love, Patty Warlick
Our wish for the New Year is for peace and comfort and complete healing for your precious Claire. In our prayers as always, Ken and Nancy Bowles
Dear Claire,
I know you feel crummy and sad sometimes, but please know that you will feel better SOON! My daughter Savannah has a brain tumor, too, and went through a transplant last Fall and she had some terrible days, too. But you know what? She slowly started feeling better and stronger. Your doctors and nurses and mommy and daddy and brothers are all helping to make you heal so wonderfully! And on days that you feel crummy, just think what that chemo is doing to those cancer cells! The medicine will blow all that yucky cancer right out of your body!!! We lift you up in prayers to God every day and wish you and your family ALL the BEST for 2007. with much love,
Andrea, Pete, Noah, Savannah and Grace Harvey (www.caringbridge.org/fl/savannah)
Chip Scanlan of the Poynter Institute recently wrote, while recalling a lesson he learned from his mentor, Don Murray, of the Boston Globe, "The way to battle any challenge -- from depression to grief over the loss of a loved one -- was to make meaning of the meaningless with words."
Shannon, you have captured the essence of this, writing about Claire's battle and your family's challenge. Keep writing, even if only a line a day, and sharing when you can. We're all pulling for you, and for Claire's Story to have a happy ending.
Peggy M.
Thoughts and prayers for Claire and your whole family.
Robin
Bradford, Ontario Canada
Claire, Shannon and the Miller Family,
Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and our greatest wish is that this New Year bring you continued love, hope, togetherness, and good news.
The Arevalo Family
Dear Claire (and family)...
I'm still praying...may you experience His peace while you wait for the treatment to do it's work...thank you so much for sharing your courage and strength with all of us...love, hugs and kisses to you sweetheart.
I know the fear and anger that lurks in the dark corners of your mind. You are entitled to indulge those feelings periodically. But let the good days, the good moments illuminate the possibilities of what may be.
My daughter is considered to be high risk as her brain tumor was diagnosed a week shy of her second birthday. But I refuse to believe that high risk is a death sentence. If there were no hope, why put these sweet little girls through the torture of chemotherapy? We endure the pain because there is hope.
I believe that God has a plan for Claire and for my Lillian. And I pray that His plan includes a miracle for both girls. Isaiah 41:10 reads "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I will pray that He grants you and Claire the strength necessary to persevere.
Cancer sucks.
Lori Harris
(lillianharris.blogspot.com)
Hoping Claire is feeling better after her treatment and that she is getting stronger. Thinking of you all the time!
Kathy Wiesenfarth
Miller family -
Our family has been following Claire's plight since that dreadful night in July. Shannon, a mother's love can pull a child through the most dreadful of times. I know that your will and strength is helping to feed and nourish Claire's "I think I can, I know I can" will to live. You, Chris, Ryan and Reese are in our daily thoughts and prayers.
Claire- It has been awhile since reading your updates. Claire, I am not sure how your mommy does it. I sob just reading what you are going through, I am not strong like your mommy is, she is like wonderwoman, which is very high praise for a mom of all boys and a massive super hero collection...Kolbe told me that I do not need guns or big muscles to fight, because I was wonderwoman, she was just born with super powers - just like your mom. I might be rough and tumble with the kids, but your mom is the real Wonder Woman. She doesn't need big guns or muscles because she has you - her secret weapon. I pray for you Claire all of the time, and I have the boys pray too. My son was one of Ryan's first friends, and maybe when we move back to California, and you get well, you can play with my boys. They love seeing pictures of you and Ry and Reese, they say that you are very beautiful... the last time we saw you, you were bouncing around Kyle's backyard for his birthday. It seems like so long ago, almost 1 1/2 years now. We will ask God to make you happy, to restore your hope. It is alright to be sad, but never lose hope that you will be happy tomorrow. We love you! -Janet Belke's Daughter, Allison Russo, Michael (5), Kolbe (4), Gabriel (2.5) and Matthew (4 months)
Claire, Shannon and the entire Miller Family - I am a firm believer in miracles and know in my heart that somewhere one is waiting for Claire.
I continue to pray daily, as I know everyone does, so don't give up and know you are blessed. My heart and my love go out to you all.
Peggie
I truly say a prayer for Claire about five times a day and I look up at the stars at night and make a wish for Claire--every night. Larry and I send you all of our thoughts and prayers and wishes and hope and love.
I just wanted to stop in and say hello and to let you know that you are always, always, ALWAYS in my thoughts. I pray that the next MRI scan shows amazing results, and that you are able to enjoy the time you'll have home together before the next round of chemo.
Love, hugs, and healthy wishes to all of you!
Lana Michelle
I think of you all often, and open my home to you when you're in San Francisco, even if you want me to come visit you at the hospital, I would love to support you and be there to hold your hand, or just give you a hug. Claire is so fortunate to have so much love surrounding her every second of every day.
Cousin Tasha
Dearest Super Claire and wonderful caring family,
We think of you and pray for you every day. You are such a special treasure to all. We check up on you through your website - your victories, your smiles and your tears. We love you so. Just remember - we think you can, we KNOW you can. Keep fighting!
Love,
Karen, Ross, JR, & Ryan McLaughlin
Clair you are one of God's angels. Hope you are home with the family soon and hopefuly this year will be better for you. Our prayers are always with you.
You seem to be in our thoughts, hopes, dreams and prayers more and more with each passing day. After reading your last entry and your touching account of holding your dear, sweet Claire through the night, I was reminded of an entry you made at the beginning of this horrible ordeal. You described, Shannon, how there was never a moment when someone was not whispering, singing, laughing, etc. into Claire's precious ears so she simply could not leave. Thought we can not all be with you in these 4 a.m. exhausting and sad moments, I hope that you can hear and feel the chorus of friends and family whispering and singing to you each and every moment, even if it is just in our thoughts and dreams.
much love and hopes of peace to you-
Cristen, Sean, Marnie and Ronan
We check several times a day for your next entry of how Super Claire has bounced back and is singing a song again! We Have no doubts it will be soon and can't wait to hear about it! Our thoughts and prayers are with you always-
Betsy, Mike, Hayley, Kylee and Noah
Dear Millers,
My New Years prayer is that Claire will be fully healed, that God in in His infinite wisdom will bring Claire and all of you through this trial. You are closer as a family and stronger because of it. Your struggles have shown each of us that know and love you how precious each day is and that we should never take one moment for granted. Please remember you are always in our prayers and that angels are indeed watching over Claire and that Jesus is always by her beside. Thank you Shannon for the wonderul updates, I can only imagine how hard it is for you to have to sit and put your thoughts and feelings into words. I am praying that 2007 will be a year full of answered prayers and that Claire will be fully healed. All my love, Sheri Main
Just wanted you to know that Mark and I think of you and talk of you every single day and we all, including Ella, say a special prayer for Claire each night.
We just think you all are so strong and and amazing and are hoping all of these messages of hope and faith give you more strength to continue this struggle. There are so many people that don't know you personally that check your website and are pulling for you. You have touched so many - more than you will ever know.
I hope Claire is feeling better and back to her super-Claire status. That will help you all.
We check daily for an update and are hoping good news is near.
Take care.
Mark, Michelle and Ella
Dear Shannon and family,
You have been in our constant thoughts. We have all fallen in love with your precious girlie and would do anything to meet her. Our special wish and prayer would be for Claire to be healed and make one huge turnaround. Sounds like she has the strength to do it.
Shannon, thank you for taking the time to share what you are going through.. I hope it has brought you strength. Your friends and family seem amazing. I do know you have a strong family and we have always admired that. Hold tight to each other, you truly are blessed and Claire will feel that love surrounding her.
Big hugs to Claire and your family,
The Gummer Family,
Lisa, Scott, Ella, Swen, Calvin, & Lars
Claire-
We continue to pray for you every day. Elizabeth can no wait for you to come over and play with her new puppy. We all miss you and your family and hope that 2007 brings good health and more giggly days with the girls.
Love,
Mark, Traci, Elizabeth, Ben and Bella
Hi Claire! I hope that you are having a good day! Please give your Mommy, Daddy, sister, and brother big hugs for me... and one for yourself, too! :)
Love,
Lana Michelle
Dear Miller Family -
Our pastor, Andy Stanley, started off 2007 asking "What are you praying for BIG?" I had an easy answer - I am praying for sweet Claire and her family. Every day I think of you and your fight - and pray you all win!!
A friend
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