October 30th

Claire returned to Sutter Memorial on Wednesday, October 25th. The effects of the chemo kicked in and we knew it was time to return. She is again being cared for in the isolation unit. She has received red blood product transfusions to help boost her counts and as of today remains void of any measurable white count. She will return home when there are signs of a increased white blood cell count. She has been in good spirits, as always, and we will update you with more details soon. I know you all look forward to Shannon's post but mine will have to do for now.

Thanks for your continued support. We appreciate you all so much.

Friday, October 20, 2006
When Claire was home it was fantastic but came and went too quickly for us. She ended up home for 12 whole days - unbelievable!! She played, laughed and enjoyed life again, each day was full and memorable. We had a family celebration for Ryan's birthday and Claire ran for touchdowns during our backyard football scrimmage, initiated a game of duck-duck -goose with the neighbor kids that visited and immediately picked up a basketball and lined up to shoot 3 pointers at Ryan's new basketball hoop. She was on fire! Claire hosted a small dinner party with a few of her close friends during her stay home too, there is nothing more soothing and infectious than young girls giggling together. Late Monday, October 9th, we found out that Claire would not start her 3rd round of chemotherapy on Tuesday as planned due to a delay in scheduling some diagnostic tests that are required prior to treatment. As we rejoiced in the ability to spend a few extra days with Claire, it was met with quiet reservation too. The remaining tumor mass haunts us daily and we feel it is an evil being that will thrive on any opportunity to regain strength and live, so although there was no real medical threat to postpone treatment by 3 days, as parents we were scared. Our last two days home before her next hospital admission were difficult for us. Claire was living strong as before and we were happy again until on Wednesday we had an urgent meeting with her oncology team to discuss some new research and non standard protocol for children with brain tumors currently administered by University of San Francisco. If we wanted to explore and discuss this high dose chemotherapy / stem cell transplant option, we needed to spend our last healthy day with Claire in San Francisco, also missing Ryan's bowling birthday party with 12 wild first grade boys. It was like pouring salt on our wide open wound. Our family and friends stepped up without a thought like they have done consistently for us since this nightmare began and put on a party for Ryan filled with cool new high fives, silly bowling strike dances and birthday cake in the face - a 7 year olds dream. Although the news that Chris and I would not be able to attend Ryan's party was met with tears and disappointment, he was king for the day and rallied in the glory like he always does. Our meeting in San Francisco was very tough for me. I had found a place of strength and courage that I could maintain as long as I only dealt with Claire's current health battle. When discussions of long term outcomes, survival statistics and quality of life compromises start I literally melt. It is too terrifying to overcome. I understand and appreciate the field of medicine and the reality that physicians, especially pediatric oncologists, walk a tight line between providing the facts with hope and displaying too much optimism that could ultimately prove fatal, but as an already fragile parent, dreading the return of a vibrant and perfect child to chemotherapy the following day, the UCSF physicians' news and meeting was too much for me. There have been numerous times in my only 7 years of parenthood that I have stopped and thought... "this is the best time", only to have 3 or 6 months go by and Ryan, Claire or Reese begin a new phase of growth and childhood that makes me recant my earlier statement and believe yet again - "this is the best time". I love when they are small babies and fill you with such warmth from their adoring stare as you know you are their whole world. I love when they want to explore and their individual character and personalities starts to shine. I love their first playdate, sports team and school performance. No matter how good it is though at the time, I truly shake with excitement thinking about the next day or experience with them. As the quiet tears dropped steadily from my eyes during the two hour drive home that Thursday, all I could think of was how I would give anything - absolutely anything - to stop time, because "THIS is the best time". Ryan is still full of innocence and possesses the amazing ability to turn the most insignificant event or item into something so GRAND you are left with only envy. Reese is a bundle - a plump 20 pound bundle - of sweet candy you want to grab, taste and hope it is everlasting and she, like a golden retreiver puppy, can draw anyone with a beating heart, into their pure joy and happiness just by their presence. And our Claire, our Claire is alive and still wants to hold hands with her parents, is left speechless by princess Cinderellas' company, and can spend the entire summer day at the beach saying "Mom / Dad watch this!!". I regained my personal hope on Friday and was able to take Claire back to the hospital only because I am surrounded by family, friends and Chris that BELIEVE with such power and conviction it is emotionally contagious. She underwent the last week of another hard and heavy dose of several different chemotherapy agents and kept a smile on her face through most of it. We have adopted a dear and loving 10 year old girl with leukemia that was Claire's roommate during her last two hospital stays. Her childhood and family have not been kind and her grandmother is raising her and some of her siblings to her best ability. Unfortunately, she is left alone and scared a lot. She calls Claire her sister and we try to comfort her as much as possible. She was in a considerable amount of pain one night and I went to her bed to hold her hand and assist the nurses with administration of some medicine. I pulled the curtain that separates the two girls as I didn't want Claire to be frightened, but through the curtain, we all could hear Claire gently repeating to our roommate...."I think you can, I know you can!". Claire can be obstinate at times but her heart is gold. We are extremely proud to be her parents. She came home this afternoon nauseous, tired and beat down. So I am going to sleep next to her and whisper in her ear all night long..."I think you can, I know you can".

October 19th

Claire returned to Sutter Memorial on Friday, October 13th, to begin her 3rd round of chemo. She is doing well and there is a possibility she could return home for a few days very soon. We are entering a very important part of her treatment, with an upcoming surgery that will determine our options in regards to her treatment protocol. We will provide more details on her prognosis and upcoming treatment plan very soon. Thank you for your continued support, prayers, and interest in her progress.

Friday, October 6, 2006
It has been an absolutely wonderful week. We turned a huge corner on Monday when Claire completed three 80z Chocolate Boost Energy drinks loaded with fat, protein, water and other important vitamins PLUS some Halloween OREOs. Her continued ability to eat/drink not only provides her with essential nutrition and Hercules strength, but almost guarantees her stay home throughout the week. Claire's first requested activity Tuesday morning was to go to Target, not the zoo, McDonalds or the park, but Target. And we have been back several times since - so Claire!!. She is extremely happy and cheerful and back to her normal routine, daily tricks and silly behavior, I found myself relaxed and having to remind myself how ill she really is. My guard started to drop yesterday as her energy level and independence was restored to a new high and I watched her sit on the kitchen floor eating OREOs with brother Ryan, Auntie Erin and Uncle Scott and have one full body laugh after another. By night time when I snuggled up to Claire as she slept, I was overwhelmed with such love and joy for her that the fear, anger and sadness of her cancer rose to a debilitating level and I fell hard. My birthday wish for her and us came true this week, she is truly experiencing and enjoying life like before, but with a limp in her left leg, less balance and overall coordination, and peripheral loss of her vision on her left side. All I could think of was what a miracle she has overcome to come back to us and how cruel cancer is that it will take her from us again. Her MRI on Tuesday was good. The heavy chemotherapy regiment so far has been successful in stopping the cancer from growing and allowed her brain to naturally heal from the signifiant trauma it faced two months ago. Her brain's recovery to date has been magical, but part of the evil tumor remains and it is difficult to assess if the area around the tumor is scar tissue, remaining brain swelling or additional tumor mass. Her neurological - oncology team are pleased with the results so far but the location and other factors of her tumor and situation are to her disadvantage. Claire will start her third and last round of chemotherapy next Tuesday prior to her second surgery, probably in mid November. Her future outcome and life prognosis will not be fully measurable until almost a month post surgery and depends largely on the surgeons abililty to remove all or a majority of the remaining tumor without any permanent or life consequences during the act. She is such a unique and special girl, as Chris comforted me last night he repeated over and over.....we can only hope and believe that she will be the rare exception to challenge and defeat her cancer and provide us even more beautiful family moments and days like yesterday.
We have adapted to our new way of life and stuggle as best we can but largely due to the support and love of others. A very dear friend of ours, Tim Reilly has lead and orchestrated a "I think I can" fund for Claire, for inquiries or information please feel free to reach him by email at Reillyt@Caltronics.net. We marvel at the continued encouragement and assistance we have received and sincerely thank you. Your positive energy and prayers are felt daily and keep us warm and strong.

Sunday, October 1, 2006
Claire is Back!! Claire is back... her white blood cells are on the rise, her energy level and strength renewed, her smile and silly jokes returned and most speical of them all she is back home today. It was a tough low period but Claire held on tight, never let go and conquered the horrendous storm. Her body was damaged from the first round and took almost 4-5 days longer this time to recuperate from the chemotherapy drugs, even absent of any bacterial infection. There was 3 days at the very bottom of the hole that she never even got out of bed or was able to finish coloring a single picture - it's like she is hollow inside and incredibly scary to view. Her deep brown eyes are her voice during her fight and you can clearly see her fear, frustration and fatigue when the fever starts to consume her frail body. I held her so tight and sang all her favorite songs softly in her ear until the medicine relieved her pain. And then there was light on Thursday... a little smile surfaced, a desire to open a birthday gift presented, and talk of holding Reese-ee upside down to watch her squeal with excitement filled the day...her body was coming back to us. We had a wonderful family night too, Reese on the new Dora scooter, Ryan dueling with the new dinasours, and our precious Claire on the bean bag surrounded by the new Dora House and Dora accessories. I can not tell you what a difference all the new toys and activities make in the playrooms - all the children and families on the 6th floor express their gratitude. There was a true feeling of "good" in the world, at a place sometimes dark and haunted by sadness and evil. By Saturday we didn't need her blood report to tell us her counts were positive for the first time in 9 days, it was all over her beautiful face and in her willingness to walk downstairs to the cafeteria for treats. We started our Oregon Duck football party waving her new and offiicial green and yellow cheerleader pom poms, a gift from cousin Leslie in Eugene who works for the Big Green Fighting Team, but had too much energy to be confined to her room, so after the first quarter we were off to join the arts and craft class. Although, she is still climbing back up from the hole and is not expected to be able to plant the flag on the very top peak until Tuesday or Wednesday, she was allowed to come home. We hope she drinks and eats enough to remain with us throughout the week, but learned last time there is no such thing as "worry-free" anymore. We are a little embarrased to ask, as the continued outcry of support and love has been overwhelming, but we need all the strong thoughts and prayers you can send on Tuesday, October 3rd, as Claire is scheduled for her next and very important MRI. We will be breathing slowly but with incredible HOPE until the results are received and determine Claire's next treatment plan and projected outcome. We believe in Claire and her perseverance to live and our family is complete only with her in it.